LoveWork by Kim Collins

LoveWork is a reflective writing exercise designed for the students in our coaching programs at Loveology University. It offers a chance for them to dive deeper into their personal growth journeys, explore thoughts on love and relationships, and apply the principles they’re learning. Each LoveWork entry encourages our students to express themselves and gain insights, guiding them toward a more fulfilling, loving life.

Below is a LoveWork submission from Kim Collins, a Love Coaching Graduate

Write down how Covid has impacted Flirting and Dating.

Covid has had some positive and negative effects on flirting and dating. On the plus side, the inability to utilize typical social venues enabled people to think outside the box in order to meet new people and date from a distance. People began forming online parties and speed dating events. They also found creative ways to make long distance dating interesting, like sharing virtual meals and other activities together via video. Long distance dating became a more plausible option for singles. And in some cases, it made people more vigilant about protecting themselves when they did meet someone in person. Not only could they ask for a recent Covid test, it also made it easier to ask for additional STI tests as well. On the negative side, due to at least a year of social isolation many people became more socially awkward. People forgot basic flirting and communication skills. This is where Love Coaching can be very helpful in educating singles on flirting skills such as dressing appropriately, making eye contact, and how to make interesting conversation.

Write a dialog between you and a Sexual Harasser, with a resolution that deflects your harasser.

Guy in a bar: Hey baby can I buy you a drink? Woman: (looking directly at him) No thank you.
Guy: Come on, why are you acting all stuck up? I just want to buy you a drink! Woman: I said no thank you. I am not interested.
Guy: You don’t have to be a B***h! You women always play hard to get, come on! Woman: I said no. You are making me uncomfortable and I want you to leave me alone.
Woman goes to bartender: I’d like to order an angel shot please (letting him know she needs help)

Write a Research Study on the latest statistics on Consent and Safer Sex.

According to NIH, “Sexually transmitted infections (STI) among older adults have dramatically increased in recent years, especially among those who are widowed and divorced”. Most likely this rise can be attributed to a lack of knowledge; and many older people underestimating their level of risk.

• Some interesting facts from the World Health Organization (WHO) that we all need to be aware of are:
• More than 1 million sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are acquired every day worldwide, the majority of which are asymptomatic.
• Each year there are an estimated 374 million new infections with 1 of 4 curable STIs: chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis and trichomoniasis.
• More than 500 million people 15–49 years are estimated to have a genital infection with herpes simplex virus (HSV or herpes) (1).
• Human papillomavirus (HPV) infection is associated with over 311 000 cervical cancer deaths each year (2).
• Drug resistance is a major threat to reducing the burden of STIs worldwide.

We need to protect ourselves and our partners by learning and practicing safer sex.

Safer sex begins with Consent. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated. A verbal and affirmative expression of consent can help both you and your partner to understand and respect each other’s boundaries.
Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious. If someone agrees to an activity under pressure of intimidation or threat, that isn’t considered consent because it was not given freely. Unequal power dynamics, such as engaging in sexual activity with an employee or student, also mean that consent cannot be freely given.

• Once you have received enthusiastic consent and both parties choose to move forward with sexual activity, here are 8 things you should know to keep you safer:
• Remember that condoms won’t protect you from every STI but they’re your best defense, especially against HIV. So, make sure that you carry your own condoms and know how to use them.
• How To Use A Condom For Maximum Safety and Pleasure offers some excellent tips on how to put on a condom.
• Ask their status and be prepared to share your own. If you don’t know your status, get checked together. For anonymous testing look for a clinic in your area or use an online service like STDCheck.com.
• Make a visual check as part of your sexual exploration. If you see something that doesn’t look right, don’t move on to oral, vaginal or anal sex.
• Never assume that your partner is safe just because they say so. Many STI’s like herpes and genital warts can go undetected for years.
• Wetter sex is safer sex. When things are dry, it puts you at risk for micro tears (not visible to the naked eye) to the skin which leaves you vulnerable to infection. Use a water-soluble lube to keep things moist.
• Do not wax, shave or brush your teeth right before being intimate. Any bleeding or open wounds, no matter how small, puts you and your partner at risk.

HIV is only transmitted through: blood, vaginal fluid, semen and breast milk. Your risk factors from high to low for contracting HIV are:

• Receiving unprotected anal sex
• Receiving unprotected vaginal sex
• Giving unprotected anal sex (men)
• Giving unprotected vaginal sex (men)
• Giving unprotected oral sex
• Receiving unprotected oral sex
• Unprotected handjobs

When in doubt, the safest “sex” you can have is sid- by-side masturbation and clothed dry humping and grinding.
And if you do have an STI, try not to panic. There are medications to help manage HIV and although there is no cure for herpes or genital warts there are ways to minimize and manage outbreaks. Have an open and honest conversation with your doctor about managing these infections and speaking to your partner.

Write an Aphrodisiac Menu of Appetizers, Main Course and Desserts.

Appetizers

Raw oysters with sriracha mignonette sauce, tomato and basil bruschetta with chopped fresh tomatoes, garlic, basil, olive oil, and vinegar, served on toasted slices of bread. (Oysters increase the levels of dopamine in your bloodstream.
Dopamine is what's known as one of the "happy hormones," and that gives you a euphoric feeling. Tomatoes are rich in the Lycopene which is a powerful antioxidant. Lycopene is known to improve virility in men by maintaining good health of the prostate gland. The active ingredient in garlic is called allicin, which has the proven effect of increasing blood flow to the sexual organs)

Main course

Lobster thermidor served with creamy sweet potatoes and asparagus.
(Lobster is a good source of zinc, selenium and B-12. And these are all necessary nutrients for maintaining sexual performance. Sweet potatoes are rich in beta carotene, which helps promote healthy female reproductive organs, and even can promote a healthy pregnancy. Asparagus is high in vitamin E, which increases blood and oxygen flow to the genitals, and potassium, which is important for healthy sex-hormone production)

Dessert

Pumpkin tartlets and chocolate mousse. (The scent of pumpkin is found to increase penile blood flow by 40 percent. The active ingredient in Chocolate is phenylethylamine (PEA), and that triggers your body to release the same chemical that it releases when you're having sex with a partner.

Write a list of Adult Toys you would recommend for all Genders and Sexualities.

These sex toys would be appropriate for all genders and sexualities because they are all gender neutral.
Anal toys: anal beads, butt plugs and vibrators
Nipple stimulators: nipple suckers, clamps and vibrators
Sex furniture: wedge, swing, chair
Power play: paddles, crops, cuffs, straps, rope

Write down your Definition of Sex Positivity.

Sex positivity is acceptance of self and others for who we are as sexual beings. Seeing sex as a healthy expression of life. Being open and non-judgmental about safer and consensual sex practices among all people regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, identity, cultural or religious background, or sexual choices.

Write a Healing Meditation or Affirmation.

Healing Meditation for low self esteem:

Begin by finding a comfortable place to sit with your back straight and your feet on the ground or laying down on a comfortable surface.
Take 2 cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

Once you’ve expelled your last breath let’s do some mindful breathing by breathing in through your nose for 4 counts, holding for 4 counts, then out through your mouth for 4 counts. Let’s do this for 4 rounds and as your body begins to relax I want you to say the following affirmation out loud: I am strong, I am confident, I am sexy.
And while you are saying this affirmation to yourself I want you to visualize that version of yourself. Each time you do this meditation I’d like you to notice something new about this strong, confident, sexy person. What does this person look like, what is this person wearing, what does this person sound like, etc.

Write down some examples of Cultural Competence.

Cultural competence to me means being aware, open and curious about the ideals and practices of all cultures. Everyone’s views on gender and sex are influenced in some way by the laws, religion, and social norms they were raised in. Being aware of my own views is necessary in order to be able to put them aside so that I can openly tune in to where my clients are coming from and help them move forward. I would practice this by asking clients what their beliefs about sex are. And, if they think some of their beliefs are standing in the way of moving forward. Some clients will be open to new ideas and shifting their perspective, while others won’t. My job is to honor both types of clients. For example, sharing information with an American female client on why her husband from South Asia won’t have sex with her while she’s menstruating. Or, working with a couple who feels peer pressure to have premarital sex despite their cultural beliefs.

Write down how you would Coach an LGBTQ Client Coming Out.

I would ask my client to do the following activities:

• Make a list of 2-3 people you trust to come out to first
• Journal your fears / concerns about coming out
• Create a script of what you want to say.
• Help them find support if needed for during or after the conversation such as a counselor or trusted friend.
• Try to emphasize to the client that they should not apologize for who they are.
• They do need to recognize that this may be a shock to some people, but they are not responsible and can not control how others receive their news.

Write a Seminar and Film Yourself Giving a TED type of talk, any length between 10 minutes and 1 hour.

Navigating Menopause: Regaining Your Sexual Confidence

My name is Kim Collins. I am a sex & intimacy coach. Today I’d like to talk about a problem that no one wants to talk about.

Menopause and sex.

It’s the silent secret of shame that many women over 40 are living with. It’s ruining lives, self-esteem, marriages, relationships, and intimacy. No one seems to want to talk about menopause. And they definitely don’t want to think about menopausal women having sex. There’s so many women out there who are struggling because they don’t know what

menopause is, how to deal with it or how to deal with the loss of sexuality that a lot of women experience.

So today I’d like to answer 4 important questions, talk about what menopause is and how you can regain your sexual confidence.

What the heck is menopause?

• Menopause
• Perimenopause
• Post menopause

Why do I feel like I do?

• Estrogen
• Progesterone
• Testosterone

What can I do to feel better?

• Find a menopause practitioner
• Practice extreme self care
• Sleep hygiene
• Exercise
• Nutrition
• Balance stress

How do I start to enjoy sex (again)?

• Change your perspective
• Ideas about desire
• Focus on pleasure

Get to know your body

• The anatomy
• Love what you see inside & out

Explore your pleasure

• Mindful masturbation
• Sex toys

Communicate your needs to your partner (if or when you have one)

• What are your turn-ons/offs
• How can you sex up a sex-friendly context