LoveWork by Inna Goncharenko

LoveWork is a reflective writing exercise designed for the students in our coaching programs at Loveology University. It offers a chance for them to dive deeper into their personal growth journeys, explore thoughts on love and relationships, and apply the principles they’re learning. Each LoveWork entry encourages our students to express themselves and gain insights, guiding them toward a more fulfilling, loving life.

Below is a LoveWork submission from Inna Goncharenko, a Love Coaching Graduate

Write a personal response on how you believe COVID-19 has impacted flirting and dating.

I believe that Covid and lockdown have prompted us to reassess what we truly want from our lives and relationships, emphasizing authenticity and genuine connections. Many have asked themselves, “What do I really want? Is there something I haven't tried or experienced yet? If I don't do it now, will I ever do it?”

During lockdown, some people grew closer and started families. Others ended relationships, feeling as though they were 'trapped' both at home and in life with their partners. We now value authenticity and intimacy like never before. We seek shared goals, greater understanding, and acceptance from those who want to join us on our journey. We are also more confident in asserting our desires – and boundaries.

With lockdowns and now the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East, it feels like circumstances are stealing our time. We’re no longer willing to waste it on activities we don't enjoy or don’t believe in, or with people who aren't the right fit. Our main question about living life is, “If not now, when?”

Many people have decided to explore things they may have been curious about but never tried before, thinks like ethical non-monogamy, kink, tantra, and various forms of sexual play that prioritize fun and connection. We yearn for enjoyment, honesty, new experiences, experimentation, and variety. We want to discover what's out there and find out if it's something we might enjoy.

A lot of people are talking about trying “everything at least once,” regardless of age. Dating based on your kinks and sexual desires is becoming more and more popular, because we’ve realised how important it is to be accepted fully.

Though some time has passed and strict social distancing rules are no longer in place, we have become more conscious of personal space. We also think about consent not only in sexual contexts but in everyday situations like hugging and any form of physical touch.

There are a lot of challenges, but I think it’s an exciting time of change for the better.

Write a dialog between you and a sexual harasser, with a resolution that deflects your harasser.

At a bar.
– Hi beautiful, let me buy you a drink.
– I’m OK, thank you.
– You look very hot.
– Thank you, I’m not interested.
– Are you here with someone?
No response.
– Come meet my friends.
– I’m here with friends and I don’t want to ruin this evening. You’re making me feel uncomfortable. I would like to be left alone please. Otherwise I’ll ask security to intervene.

Write an aphrodisiac menu with a variety of appetizers, main courses and desserts

Appetizers:

Fig and prosciutto crostini, drizzled with honey
Grilled asparagus with lemon zest
Mussels in white wine sauce with garlic
Wild mushroom bruschetta
Oyster mushroom "scallops" with garlic

Main Courses:

Lobster thermidor
Honey glazed salmon
Filet mignon with red wine reduction sauce
Fettuccine alfredo with truffle oil, garlic; sautéed wild mushrooms
Portobello mushroom steak with red wine sauce

Desserts:

Chocolate-covered strawberries
Chocolate fountain with a variety of fruit
Passionfruit sorbet

Drinks:

Champagne topped with rose petals
Spicy Chocolate Martini
Spiced hot chocolate

Write a research study on the latest statistics on Consent and Safer Sex.

According to the latest data released by WHO on 10 July 2023, more than 1 million STIs are acquired every day. In 2020, WHO estimated 374 million new infections with 1 of 4 STIs: chlamydia (129 million), gonorrhoea (82 million), syphilis (7.1 million) and trichomoniasis (156 million). More than 490 million people were estimated to be living with genital herpes in 2016, and an estimated 300 million women have an HPV infection, the primary cause of cervical cancer and anal cancer among men who have sex with men. An estimated 296 million people are living with chronic hepatitis B globally.

• STIs can have serious consequences beyond the immediate impact of the infection itself.
• STIs like herpes, gonorrhoea and syphilis can increase the risk of HIV acquisition.
• Mother-to-child transmission of STIs can result in stillbirth, neonatal death, low-birth weight and prematurity, sepsis, neonatal conjunctivitis and congenital deformities.
• HPV infection causes cervical and other cancers.
  ⦁ Hepatitis B resulted in an estimated 820 000 deaths in 2019, mostly from cirrhosis and hepatocellular carcinoma. STIs such as gonorrhoea and chlamydia are major causes of pelvic inflammatory disease and infertility in women.

According to the latest data collected by the Centers for Disease Control published in 2021, 1 in 5 people had an STI in 2018 for a total of 68 million infections in the United States. There were 26 million new cases of STIs and nearly half of those were in people ages 15-24. The most acquired STI was HPV followed by HSV2 and Trichomoniasis. Because women, teens/youth, and those with socioeconomic barriers are the hardest hit groups, in a public health sense, that’s where we should focus our efforts.

The CDC considers sexual violence (defined as “sexual activity when consent is not obtained or freely given”) a serious public health issue. It is common. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced physical sexual violence. 1 in 5 women and 1 in 38 men have been raped or experienced attempted rape. Additionally, 1 in 14 men have been forced to penetrate another person.

A number of things are needed to reduce these number and prevent sexual assault. We need to change social norms and involve men/boys in education and prevention measures. Emphasis on healthy sexuality and emotional literacy is also key. Additionally, empowering women/girls, putting protections in place on a structural level and supporting survivors is also mandatory.

Despite a recent reduction in teen pregnancies and adolescent sexual behaviors, teens remain at a higher risk of unintended pregnancy and STIs in the US more than in other developed countries. According to the CDC, nearly half of all new STDS reported each year come from young people in the 15–24-year age range. In the 2019 Youth Risk Behavior Study around 54% of high school students reported having used a condom the last time they had intercourse, a 7% decrease from a study done in 2009. However, in a different study based on data between 2011-2015 on 15-44 year old sexually active individuals, only 28.75% had used a condom the last time they had sexual intercourse. While students and young adults are more likely to practice safer sex habits, they are also more likely to have multiple partners or experience sexual violence.

In the 2021 General Social Survey it was found that committed sex was more likely in persons aged 30-40 than in individuals 18-30 years old. Sexual violence is a major risk for teenagers and young adults. More than 80% of female rape survivors were raped before age 25 and over half of them were raped as a minor. Nearly 80% of male rape survivors also reported having been made to penetrate someone before the age 25.

school students identifying as heterosexual reported having been tested for HIV less than those identifying as lesbian, gay, or bisexual. However, HIV continues to disproportionately affect the LGBTQ+ community.  New diagnoses of HIV were highest among individuals aged 25-29 in 2019. It is important to note that approximately 13% of people living with HIV are unaware of their status and need to be tested. The Sexually Transmitted Disease Surveillance, 2020 by the CDC shows a 45% increase in gonorrhea from 2016. The same data also shows a 52% increase in syphilis from 2016. 

Write a list of Adult Toys you would recommend for all genders and sexualities.

For both g-spot and prostate play the nJoy Pure Wand (or similarly comma shaped toy) is a game changer because it can reach these spots with just the right angle and pressure.
Because the vast majority of people with vulvas need clitoral stimulation to climax, the new class of air-pulsator toys that have become popular over the last few years is also a great option. These are Womanizer, Satisfyer, etc. Because they are so strong and clitorally pinpointed, they are excellent for those who need strong or pinpointed clitoral stimulation, have issues reaching orgasm, etc.
Due to Covid, Bluetooth/Long Distance toys are becoming very popular. Many companies make them like Lovense, WeVibe, Satisfyer, etc. There are models for all kinds of bodies genitals too—prostate stimulators, vaginal insertables, cock rings, mini wands, air pulsators, and more.

Write down your definition of Sex Positivity.

The notion that people should be given the space/opportunity to develop autonomy and agency over their sexual, romantic, and gender identity without judgment or shame. Sex positivity is not about having a lot of sex, it’s about having the amount of and kind of sex that is right for you. This is self-determined with informed consent and judgment free exploration & education.

Write a Healing Meditation or Affirmation.

I am enough. I deserve abundance and to receive. I deserve pleasure. I will give myself permission to heal. Taking my pleasure into my own hands and being responsible for my own orgasm is not selfish. I am a worthy, whole human being whether I am in a relationship or not. I am worthy of love. I will be just as compassionate and empathetic with myself as I am with others.

Write down some examples of Cultural Competence.

Cultural competency is important because things like religion and the cultural norms in the geographical location we were raised in/are in now affect our sexuality, how we relate to others, what we find shameful, acceptable behavior, etc. Cultural competence in coaching ensures we’re aware of the cultural differences between us and a client. This is essential because we must understand our clients from within their own experience (i.e. we have to “meet them where they are at”). Coaches need to always continue learning about and integrating cultural awareness, skill, knowledge, etc.

Write down how you would coach an LGBTQ client coming out.

Coming out is different for every one of us. Also, coming out was what? Gay? Trans? Non-binary? People in their lives may be accepting or maybe not at all. For some, their safety, livelihood, or basic needs may be threatened (by an unaccepting person they live with, for instance). All of this context matters and dictates the best tools to help the client. A man coming out as trans to a wife he’s been married to for 20 years is much different than a 22-year-old college student coming out as non-binary or bisexual.

If it’s something like the latter, I may use a control chart to help them parse out how to handle people that didn’t react as they wanted and also understand how that ultimately affects them. A motivation table may prove helpful if their coming out my change something significant about their day-to-day life or they want to actively become comfortable stepping into their new role—being more forthcoming about their identity, advocating for themselves, looking for people to date, etc. Journaling may help in most situations to sort out and process new feelings and perspectives. If coming out had a negative consequence, the positive turn around exercise helped. There are a multitude of options dependent on the circumstances/details.

Write an outline for a seminar and make a video of yourself giving a TED type of talk.

This is a class I designed & taught last month on Erotic Humiliation. It's 1.5 hours plus there are printable workbook handout materials included. I hope it’s ok to use for this? If not, I can create something original for you.

Here is a free link to the entire recorded presentation: https://gumroad.com/l/humiliationclass/Loveology

Erotic Humiliation Outline

⦁ Introduce
⦁ Intention/What you can expect to learn

Part 1 - BDSM Background 
⦁ What is it?
⦁ Why do people enjoy humiliation play & BDSM in general?
⦁ To access a state of play
⦁ Therapeutic exposure/desensitization
⦁ Because it’s fun
⦁ Eroticism Paradox

Part 2 – What is Humiliation Play? 
Spectrum of humiliation
⦁ Embarrassment 
⦁ Guilt
⦁ Humiliation 
⦁ Shame
⦁ Degradation 
⦁ Dehumanization

Part 3 - Humiliation Execution
⦁ Verbal
⦁ Physical
⦁ Public

Part 4 - Negotiating Play & aftercare
⦁ How to Use the Materials
⦁ Start with tone prompts
⦁ Goal emotions
⦁ Go to activity list next (strap-on)
⦁ words/names next
⦁ Use pre-scene questions when planning scene to help guide you
⦁ Post scene debrief important
⦁ Reminders
⦁ Humiliation play should always have/be:
⦁ Consent
⦁ Turn you on in the pants/brain
⦁ Feel happy you did it, want to do it again
⦁ This level of play requires ethics, maturity, trust, care 
⦁ Princess Kali great resource